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Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"I figured out I was an Eskimo trapped in a black man's body."
-NIGAQ (né TYRONE) ANUNIAQ, on his recent race-change operation
"Yeah, 'Killing Me Softly With His Song' was a big hit, but for some reason the follow-up hasn't been selling as well."
-Former Fugees' lead singer LAURYN HILL, on her new single, "Killing Me Hard With His Guitar
"Yes, it's a tough job, but after Saddam was caught, someone had to take over as the enemy of America."
"This book is fantastic! It really helped me stop lying."
-DAVID FJORDSEN, as quoted on the back of 101 Ways to Cure Yourself of Pathological Lying
"ITWOSE, acronyms are more important than ever!"
-Anchorman TOM BROKAW, promoting his new abbreviation for "In The Wake Of September Eleventh"
"Lousy unoriginal Neo punk. Why didn't he just go all out and get the stigmata too?"
"Playing a Nazi is really going to expand my repertoire. I felt for a while like I was getting typecast."
-Actor GOOFY, on his upcoming role as Heinrich Himmler in Remembering the Holocaust
"I googled 'Shuffleboard'! How in the world were my first 50 results porn sites?"
-Shuffleboard enthusiast NED CRANDALL
"This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for Mel Gibson, Paul Hogan, Yahoo Serious, and every nameless, faceless Australian that now has a chance because this door tonight has been opened."
-Actor RUSSELL CROWE, in his Academy Award acceptance speech
"Bush won?! If I had been this upset yesterday, I would have gone to the polls."
-Disgruntled voter LAUREN DUBOIS
"... one nation, under God, or gods, or no god, or Goddess, or possibly Satan, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
-new version of the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
"Actually, we named our company for the amount of money we expected to get from our IPO."
-SERGEY BRIN and LARRY PAGE, founders of Google

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