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Overheard

Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"God made me do it."
-SATAN, after getting a kitten out of a tree.
"Under Governor Bush's tax cut proposal, he would spend more money on tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% than all of the new spending that he proposes for education, health care, prescription drug and national defense all combined. Under my proposal, for every dollar that I propose in spending for things like education and health care, I will put another dollar into middle-class tax cuts."
-Vice President AL GORE, responding to a reporter's question, "Are you listening to this question or just waiting for key phrases like 'tax cut'?"
"Ah, but is not the truly witty man he who has the least wit of all?"
-Author OSCAR WILDE, in one of his less nimble moments
"Would someone hurry up and steal that car already?"
-NELSON WALKER, after listening to a car alarm outside his window for twenty minutes
"Maybe all the country's problems would be solved if we changed our name to 'Lovey'?"
-JEAN-BERTRAND ARISTIDE's last-ditch effort to keep popular support and stay in office
"You will not see that which approaches you if you fail to look in its direction."
-CONFUCIUS
"Don't be fooled by the lox that I bought. I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block."
-JENNIFER LOPEZ, to a crowd outside a bagel shop
"Yeah, 'Killing Me Softly With His Song' was a big hit, but for some reason the follow-up hasn't been selling as well."
-Former Fugees' lead singer LAURYN HILL, on her new single, "Killing Me Hard With His Guitar
"... one nation, under God, or gods, or no god, or Goddess, or possibly Satan, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
-new version of the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
"We were rushed over in the National Guard - we were totally untrained in the Geneva Conventions. How should we know what's right and what's wrong?"
-Private LYNNDIE ENGLAND
"Merrill Lynch and Morgan Stanley engaged in questionable practices? Oh no, what if that hurts people's faith in big business?"
-Consumer CHARLENE FOSTER
"It's the stupid economy."
-BILL CLINTON, on Bush's stabilizing popularity and the apparent end to the recession in late 2003

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