Return to Swift Magazine


Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"CoolMan3775: ;-)
Julie223343: ;-)"

-Excerpt from AOL-Time Warner Inc.'s new translation of Romeo and Juliet into "International Internet Language"
"All I can say is, Napster should be illegal. I put my heart and soul into a song like '... Baby One More Time,' and some little punk can just grab it and use it for her own gain!"
-Songwriter MAX MARTIN, on Britney Spears
"This book is fantastic! It really helped me stop lying."
-DAVID FJORDSEN, as quoted on the back of 101 Ways to Cure Yourself of Pathological Lying
"Yo' momma is so fat that I had sex with her four times last night... wait... I mean when I was having sex with her she weighed so much... crap."
-A momma joke gone horribly awry
"It's the stupid economy."
-BILL CLINTON, on Bush's stabilizing popularity and the apparent end to the recession in late 2003
"Not-Yankees Repeat As World Champs!"
"Playing a Nazi is really going to expand my repertoire. I felt for a while like I was getting typecast."
-Actor GOOFY, on his upcoming role as Heinrich Himmler in Remembering the Holocaust
"ITWOSE, acronyms are more important than ever!"
-Anchorman TOM BROKAW, promoting his new abbreviation for "In The Wake Of September Eleventh"
"I don't think the media gives alternative candidates fair coverage."
-Natural Law Party candidate JOHN HAGELIN, summarizing all his qualifications and policy proposals
"Just when you thought you would never get to see that spinning-camera trick again..."
-Excerpt from an ad for The Matrix Reloaded
"I hope this album will show that I am not only a Bad, Dangerous Thriller, but also a real down-to-earth person like anyone else."
-MICHAEL JACKSON, on his upcoming album, "Invincible"
"Dear Diary: 12 people read you yesterday, and some even gave comments! I'm so embarrassed - this is personal!"
-Blogger ERIN MATTHEWS, not quite getting the point

Show All Quotes