Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
|"You know, everyone gives him crap about his offensive lyrics, but what they don't understand about Eminem is it's just all about the music."
-Eminem fan JUSTIN JOHNSON, on the various clinks and beeps interjected into Eminemís recordings during mixing
|"It's a pleasant wine, with a Ramen-like aroma and subtle hints of
Twinkie, Handi-Snacks, and Dunkaroos."
-The review for which noted wine taster JACQUES DE COCHON was fired
|"I don't watch TV, so it doesn't matter to me what happens in Iraq."
-Lazy voter BRAD CHAPIN
|"Well, Iraq may not be politically ready by June 30, but we really need to get the soldiers home in
time for the July 4 parades."
-GEORGE W. BUSH
|"It's the stupid economy."
-BILL CLINTON, on Bush's stabilizing popularity and the apparent end to the recession in late 2003
|"Struggling corporations need a helper, not a handout. Let's give the money to faith-based organizations who can make sure that we leave no company behind."
-President GEORGE W. BUSH, unveiling his new plan for faith-based corporate welfare
|"Wang and I no way reckless. We just try communicate using inversion technique from American training video Top Gun."
-Surviving chinese fighter pilot ZHAO YU, on his April 1st collision
|"Every safe landing is another victory against terrorism. There's nothing wrong with a little gloating."
-United Airlines spokesperson VERONICA TEDIO, on United's new post-flight song: QUEEN's "We Are The Champions"
|"Well, it won everything else..."
-PETER JACKSON, running The Lord of the Rings as a Democratic candidate
|"Shucks, now I'll have to wait another week for her to be available again."
-LECHEROUS ADOLESCENTS everywhere, on Britney Spears's recent marriage
|"Only I can prevent forest fires."
-PAUL BUNYAN, stumping for the Bush forest policy
|"A man, a plan, a ca-TAFT FAT!!-a canal, Panama!"
-LESSER-KNOWN PALINDROME of the Roosevelt era
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