Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
| "Well, if the Taliban has a hockey team, you can bet they're going down in semis." -U.S. Olympic hockey team captain CHRIS CHELIOS, on how he is helping with the War on Terrorism |
"I hope this album will show that I am not only a Bad, Dangerous Thriller, but also a real down-to-earth person like anyone else." -MICHAEL JACKSON, on his upcoming album, "Invincible" |
| "I can't say I'm happy with all the negative press it's generated against our holiday." -THE EASTER BUNNY, on Mel Gibson's The Passion |
"Shock and Awe... that's what we should have called it! Those
Americans are good." -Al-Qaeda member SAHIR AL-OMAR, reflecting on the World Trade Center attacks |
| "The real trick to winning a race is to do one good lap and loop the
footage, instead of driving the whole race." -NASCAR driver JEFF GORDON, explaining his string of recent victories |
"We're going to make the Grinch come alive. The greed, the contempt for simple pleasures, the obsession with material wealth -- we're going to make it all seem almost real." -Studio executive TODD HALLOWELL, explaining why How The Grinch Stole Christmas will be a box office blockbuster |
| "What is this? Woodstock gets to be named after an awesome rock
festival. And what am I? An adjective." -SNOOPY, in a complaint to Charles Schulz |
"Would someone hurry up and steal that car already?" -NELSON WALKER, after listening to a car alarm outside his window for twenty minutes |
| "Ah, but is not the truly witty man he who has the least wit of all?" -Author OSCAR WILDE, in one of his less nimble moments |
"Well thank God we're back to a bipolar world!" -Lazy historians and news analysts worldwide, reacting to September 11 |
| "I don't watch TV, so it doesn't matter to me what happens in Iraq." -Lazy voter BRAD CHAPIN |
"Shucks, now I'll have to wait another week for her to be available again." -LECHEROUS ADOLESCENTS everywhere, on Britney Spears's recent marriage |