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Overheard

Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"Yo' momma is so fat that I had sex with her four times last night... wait... I mean when I was having sex with her she weighed so much... crap."
-A momma joke gone horribly awry
"We're going to make the Grinch come alive. The greed, the contempt for simple pleasures, the obsession with material wealth -- we're going to make it all seem almost real."
-Studio executive TODD HALLOWELL, explaining why How The Grinch Stole Christmas will be a box office blockbuster
"As a publicity stunt this is an absolute failure."
-ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, on the decline in his media profile since he became a public servant
"I just feel horrible about not getting in my absentee ballot... what if I could have been the deciding vote?"
-Iraqi study-abroad student AHMED AL-MOHAMMED
"Thou Shalt Not Display The Ten Commandments."
-Upcoming SUPREME COURT ruling
"One of our top concerns right now is the declining use of the word 'cowabunga' in recent years. Unless we take action, studies indicate it will be gone by 2020."
-OTIS P. MILLICAN III, of the Institute for the Preservation of the English Language
"What is this? Woodstock gets to be named after an awesome rock festival. And what am I? An adjective."
-SNOOPY, in a complaint to Charles Schulz
"Pepsi ran a commercial with Britney Spears! From now on, I'll make sure I drink Pepsi instead of Coke."
-NO ONE
"Wow, this is a much easier way to find myself!"
-HENRY DAVID THOREAU, on discovering Google
"You will not see that which approaches you if you fail to look in its direction."
-CONFUCIUS
"Yes, it's a tough job, but after Saddam was caught, someone had to take over as the enemy of America."
-MARTHA STEWART
"Well, I kind of understand. Mickey’s become less popular and recognized than Joe Camel, and I think he was just trying to reenter the 'in' crowd."
-MINNIE MOUSE, commenting on her husband’s having recently taken up smoking

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