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Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"Wang and I no way reckless. We just try communicate using inversion technique from American training video Top Gun."
-Surviving chinese fighter pilot ZHAO YU, on his April 1st collision
"In order to benefit both consumers and recorders, we recommend that you make the following changes: make 'girl' rhyme with 'world', and make 'baby' rhyme with 'crazy.'"
-Recording Industry Association of America president HILARY B.ROSEN, in a petition to the Oxford English Dictionary
"In light of the finding, therefore, of the extremely negative effects of death on the world population, and, whereas, such deaths have been found to decrease said population, now, therefore..."
-Preamble to yet another ineffectual UNITED NATIONS RESOLUTION
"Well, as it gets older, it's harder to stay straight... <snicker snicker>"
-Phallic-symbol-obsessed literary critic ROLAND DESIMBECILES, explaining the Leaning Tower of Pisa
"I almost got the boulder to the top once. Now I have to take a 15-minute break every two hours because of these stupid union rules."
"We realized that a corporation this large would disrupt the gravitational balance keeping Earth in orbit and catapult us into the sun."
-MICHAEL EISNER, CEO of Disney, on the decision not to merge with Comcast
"I don't think the media gives alternative candidates fair coverage."
-Natural Law Party candidate JOHN HAGELIN, summarizing all his qualifications and policy proposals
"It's the stupid economy."
-BILL CLINTON, on Bush's stabilizing popularity and the apparent end to the recession in late 2003
"One of our top concerns right now is the declining use of the word 'cowabunga' in recent years. Unless we take action, studies indicate it will be gone by 2020."
-OTIS P. MILLICAN III, of the Institute for the Preservation of the English Language
"The Day After Tomorrow Came Yesterday"
-Working title for the next James Bond movie
"We felt that to have a good understanding of the disease, the reader should be able to get a good view of what healthy breasts look like."
-Time Magazine managing editor WALTER ISAACSON, defending Time's fourth breast cancer cover of the year
"Anyone with knives is a terrorist. Do you want us to listen to the terrorists?"
-FAA Spokesperson GREG MARTIN, defending the decision to halt all flights, even though Nathaniel Heatwole had said exactly when and where he would be hiding the knives

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