Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
|"Yo' momma is so fat that I had sex with her four times last
night... wait... I mean when I was having sex with her she weighed
so much... crap."
-A momma joke gone horribly awry
|"September 11 wasn't entirely Bush's fault. It was also Al Qaeda's."
|"We were rushed over in the National Guard - we were totally untrained in the Geneva Conventions.
How should we know what's right and what's wrong?"
-Private LYNNDIE ENGLAND
|"Wow, this is a much easier way to find myself!"
-HENRY DAVID THOREAU, on discovering Google
|"I meant richness of spirit, a rich heart."
-MELINDA GATES, explaining her earlier statement on why she married BILL
|"The Koran says so - or, uh, it implies it. Probably."
-Mullah MOHAMMED OMAR, explaining why reading the Koran was added to the list of forbidden activities under his regime
|"The Day After Tomorrow Came Yesterday"
-Working title for the next James Bond movie
|"I meets every goal, 'cause I chews me Skoal."
-POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN, in a new ad for Skoal Chewing Tobacco
|"No, I think my work is as clever and relevant as it ever was."
-WEIRD AL YANKOVIC, on his new single, "Poop, There It Is"
|"When I take the mic, my lyrics are flowing /
I like to ride in the jets by Boeing"
-An unsuccessful bid by BUSTA RHYMES to get more free products after "Pass the Courvoisier"
|"You know, I run, jump, and chase mice all the time, but with the media coverage I get, you only hear about the boring days."
-GARFIELD, on his comic strip artist, Jim Davis
|"In light of the finding, therefore, of the extremely negative effects of death on the world population, and, whereas, such deaths have been found to decrease said population, now, therefore..."
-Preamble to yet another ineffectual UNITED NATIONS RESOLUTION
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