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Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"Man, I hate the French... I mean, the 'freedom.' I hate the freedom."
-American GEORGE THOMPSON, working hard to internalize the new vocab
"We've had some trouble with converting French francs; a lot of them just burst into flame rather than mingle with euros."
-European Central Bank President WILLEM F. DUISENBERG
"What are we accomplishing through all this multiple-choice standardized testing? Simple: future citizens will be able to fill in a ballot correctly."
-Florida governor JEB BUSH
"It's the only country whose human rights provisions are lax enough to permit those 'Personal Stories' NBC runs."
-International Olympic Committee president JACQUES ROGGE, explaining why China was chosen to host the Olympics
"I feel terrible about this, but I have to follow my heart."
-TOUCAN SAM, resigning as Froot Loops spokesbird after tasting Golden Grahams
"Well, I kind of understand. Mickey’s become less popular and recognized than Joe Camel, and I think he was just trying to reenter the 'in' crowd."
-MINNIE MOUSE, commenting on her husband’s having recently taken up smoking
"He's ... medium height, with ... brown hair. Um, he wears sneakers. Short hair. You still don't know who I'm talking about? All right, let's see ... he has a blue backpack that he wears when he's going to class. A lot of times he stops first and goes to the drinking fountain. You know who he is yet?"
-High school sophomore ERIN MATTHEWS, trying to describe the only black student in her class
"Shock and Awe... that's what we should have called it! Those Americans are good."
-Al-Qaeda member SAHIR AL-OMAR, reflecting on the World Trade Center attacks
"I don't think the media gives alternative candidates fair coverage."
-Natural Law Party candidate JOHN HAGELIN, summarizing all his qualifications and policy proposals
"I figured out I was an Eskimo trapped in a black man's body."
-NIGAQ (né TYRONE) ANUNIAQ, on his recent race-change operation
"I demand a recount!"
-A joke YOU could make anytime anyone counts anything. Please don't.
"Our opponents are not easy to find; they are dispersed all over the world, using a vast decentralized network to help each other with their nefarious crimes. But we will eventually hunt them all down, and we will prevail."
-Recording Industry Association of America president HILARY B. ROSEN, on the file-sharing technology that has replaced Napster

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