Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
|"Yes, it's a tough job, but after Saddam was caught, someone had to take over as the enemy of
|"Every computer user knows that when something goes wrong, you just restart."
-Microsoft chairman BILL GATES, on his company's court strategy
|"I can't say I'm happy with all the negative press it's generated against our holiday."
-THE EASTER BUNNY, on Mel Gibson's The Passion
|"I have a head too. Why do I always have to be tails?"
-THE BALD EAGLE
|"God made me do it."
-SATAN, after getting a kitten out of a tree.
|"We're going to make the Grinch come alive. The greed, the contempt for simple pleasures, the obsession with material wealth -- we're going to make it all seem almost real."
-Studio executive TODD HALLOWELL, explaining why How The Grinch Stole Christmas will be a box office blockbuster
|"I demand a recount!"
-A joke YOU could make anytime anyone counts anything. Please don't.
|"Well, Iraq may not be politically ready by June 30, but we really need to get the soldiers home in
time for the July 4 parades."
-GEORGE W. BUSH
|"CNN wasn't running my videos anymore. I had to get on the air somehow, and 'America's Funniest Home Videos' seemed like my best shot."
-Terrorist OSAMA BIN LADEN, defending his decision to videotape himself shooting himself in the groin
|"In light of the finding, therefore, of the extremely negative effects of death on the world population, and, whereas, such deaths have been found to decrease said population, now, therefore..."
-Preamble to yet another ineffectual UNITED NATIONS RESOLUTION
|"I stand here today because I had the courage and the resolve to visit
The Hunger Site, The Cancer Site, The Rainforest Site, The Unemployment
Site, and The Sadness Site - once each, every day, rain or
-Websurfer JERRY H. MINKELSTEIN, accepting the Humanitarian Society's "Humanitarian of the Year" award
|"Being an artist is like - oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trying not to cry, but this is so exciting ... thank you, Academy, for helping our dreams come true."
-Fedex President FREDERICK W. SMITH, accepting the "Best Advertisement" Oscar for Cast Away
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