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Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"Every safe landing is another victory against terrorism. There's nothing wrong with a little gloating."
-United Airlines spokesperson VERONICA TEDIO, on United's new post-flight song: QUEEN's "We Are The Champions"
"It's the stupid economy."
-BILL CLINTON, on Bush's stabilizing popularity and the apparent end to the recession in late 2003
"Meesa like Nike shoe! Yousa wearin Nike for runnin fasta!"
-Star Wars character JAR JAR BINKS, in an ad for Reebok
"I don't think the media gives alternative candidates fair coverage."
-Natural Law Party candidate JOHN HAGELIN, summarizing all his qualifications and policy proposals
"A cigar? Ewwww!"
-The MARQUIS DE SADE, after reading the Starr Report
"Dear Diary: 12 people read you yesterday, and some even gave comments! I'm so embarrassed - this is personal!"
-Blogger ERIN MATTHEWS, not quite getting the point
"Being an artist is like - oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trying not to cry, but this is so exciting ... thank you, Academy, for helping our dreams come true."
-Fedex President FREDERICK W. SMITH, accepting the "Best Advertisement" Oscar for Cast Away
"CoolMan3775: ;-)
Julie223343: ;-)"

-Excerpt from AOL-Time Warner Inc.'s new translation of Romeo and Juliet into "International Internet Language"
"This bacon was made from pigs that were real jerks."
-HORMEL's new animal-rights-friendly label
"Pepsi ran a commercial with Britney Spears! From now on, I'll make sure I drink Pepsi instead of Coke."
"Marriage is between a man and 22 women, and it will always stay that way."
-IBN SAUD, defending society's most sacred institution
"Shucks, now I'll have to wait another week for her to be available again."
-LECHEROUS ADOLESCENTS everywhere, on Britney Spears's recent marriage

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