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Overheard

Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"Aaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa."
-Consumer advocate and Green Party nominee RALPH NADER, to his dentist
"We beat their prices, guaranteed."
-The desperate pitch of a LIBRARY next door to a bookstore
"Would someone hurry up and steal that car already?"
-NELSON WALKER, after listening to a car alarm outside his window for twenty minutes
"You know, I run, jump, and chase mice all the time, but with the media coverage I get, you only hear about the boring days."
-GARFIELD, on his comic strip artist, Jim Davis
"Wang and I no way reckless. We just try communicate using inversion technique from American training video Top Gun."
-Surviving chinese fighter pilot ZHAO YU, on his April 1st collision
"VOTE or DIE!!"
-HURRICANE JEANNE, conducting its own voter-mobilization campaign
"God made me do it."
-SATAN, after getting a kitten out of a tree.
"You will not see that which approaches you if you fail to look in its direction."
-CONFUCIUS
"Not-Yankees Repeat As World Champs!"
-THE BOSTON GLOBE
"Poor spelling is a major problem facing American public schools. We aren't sure what the source is, but something must be done."
-Rap artists OUTKAST, MYSTIKAL, LUDACRIS, and FABOLOUS, in a recent public service announcement
"I did not have spiritual relations with that man."
-GOD, on Pat Buchanan
"I thought we had this case won - we were even using the new 'Microsoft Trustbust XP' software to keep track of our arguments! I can't imagine what went wrong."
-U.S. Attorney General JOHN ASHCROFT, on the Justice Department's recent failure to force a breakup of Microsoft

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