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Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"Playing a Nazi is really going to expand my repertoire. I felt for a while like I was getting typecast."
-Actor GOOFY, on his upcoming role as Heinrich Himmler in Remembering the Holocaust
"I don't think the media gives alternative candidates fair coverage."
-Natural Law Party candidate JOHN HAGELIN, summarizing all his qualifications and policy proposals
"Just when you thought you would never get to see that spinning-camera trick again..."
-Excerpt from an ad for The Matrix Reloaded
"And another place those terrorists might be hiding is in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, stealing oil from right under our noses! There's only one solution to this."
-President GEORGE W. BUSH, defending his plan to drill in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
"Wait... dude. Are we rioting because we won or because we lost?"
-Confused sports fan EVAN CALLAHAN
"What are you so concerned about? The popular vote doesn't matter anyway!"
-Diebold spokesman DAVID BEAR
"Under Governor Bush's tax cut proposal, he would spend more money on tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% than all of the new spending that he proposes for education, health care, prescription drug and national defense all combined. Under my proposal, for every dollar that I propose in spending for things like education and health care, I will put another dollar into middle-class tax cuts."
-Vice President AL GORE, responding to a reporter's question, "Are you listening to this question or just waiting for key phrases like 'tax cut'?"
"If you re-elect me, I'll make 3 or even 4 Americas!"
-GEORGE W. BUSH, responding to John Edwards
"This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for Mel Gibson, Paul Hogan, Yahoo Serious, and every nameless, faceless Australian that now has a chance because this door tonight has been opened."
-Actor RUSSELL CROWE, in his Academy Award acceptance speech
"Well, if the Taliban has a hockey team, you can bet they're going down in semis."
-U.S. Olympic hockey team captain CHRIS CHELIOS, on how he is helping with the War on Terrorism
"What are we accomplishing through all this multiple-choice standardized testing? Simple: future citizens will be able to fill in a ballot correctly."
-Florida governor JEB BUSH
"Yeah, most of the songs were put on the list because they might remind people of the attacks. But that one just annoys us."
-Clear Channel spokesperson RANDY MICHAELS, on why the "Macarena" is included in his radio company's list of "discouraged" songs

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