
Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
| "How about eight? Maybe eight wrongs make a right." -MICHAEL JACKSON |
"On the other hand, if I just publish my shopping lists for the last
decade, my expected profits drop to... $800 billion." -Author J. K. ROWLING, considering the plot of her next Harry Potter book |
| "Where do you think the party gets its Green?" -AL GORE, speculating that Republicans are paying Nader to run again |
"I wholeheartedly support every single decision George W. Bush has made
as President." -Former Vice President AL GORE, just to see if anyone is listening |
| "But if we don't eat the deep-fried bacon-cheese-'n'-butter-loaded
potato fritters dipped in the savory sausage ranch sauce, who will?" -Overweight American BUBBA PINKERTON, on recent concerns about widespread obesity |
"Anyone with knives is a terrorist. Do you want us to listen to the terrorists?" -FAA Spokesperson GREG MARTIN, defending the decision to halt all flights, even though Nathaniel Heatwole had said exactly when and where he would be hiding the knives |
| "Now pay attention, 007. What I have here may seem like an ordinary piece of wood. But it contains a sophisticated hand-operated hinging mechanism that allows its operator to pass through walls unscathed. However,anyone who does not follow the proper procedure will find themselves shut outside and quite a bit bruised." -Product developer Q, of MI6, on his front door |
"I googled 'Shuffleboard'! How in the world were my first 50
results porn sites?" -Shuffleboard enthusiast NED CRANDALL |
| "They're just not doing it." -NIKE, refusing to allow its swoosh to appear on Detroit Tigers uniforms |
"Yeah... we told Rumsfeld that if we get a royal flush, we get to invade
Syria." -GEORGE W. BUSH, on the Iraqi most-wanted playing cards |
| "Today will be partly cloudy with a 30 percent chance of rain and a 40
percent chance of terrorism." -Weatherman JOE SHORTSLEEVE |
"This bacon was made from pigs that were real jerks." -HORMEL's new animal-rights-friendly label |