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Overheard

Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"Well, if the Taliban has a hockey team, you can bet they're going down in semis."
-U.S. Olympic hockey team captain CHRIS CHELIOS, on how he is helping with the War on Terrorism
"I hope this album will show that I am not only a Bad, Dangerous Thriller, but also a real down-to-earth person like anyone else."
-MICHAEL JACKSON, on his upcoming album, "Invincible"
"I can't say I'm happy with all the negative press it's generated against our holiday."
-THE EASTER BUNNY, on Mel Gibson's The Passion
"Shock and Awe... that's what we should have called it! Those Americans are good."
-Al-Qaeda member SAHIR AL-OMAR, reflecting on the World Trade Center attacks
"The real trick to winning a race is to do one good lap and loop the footage, instead of driving the whole race."
-NASCAR driver JEFF GORDON, explaining his string of recent victories
"We're going to make the Grinch come alive. The greed, the contempt for simple pleasures, the obsession with material wealth -- we're going to make it all seem almost real."
-Studio executive TODD HALLOWELL, explaining why How The Grinch Stole Christmas will be a box office blockbuster
"What is this? Woodstock gets to be named after an awesome rock festival. And what am I? An adjective."
-SNOOPY, in a complaint to Charles Schulz
"Would someone hurry up and steal that car already?"
-NELSON WALKER, after listening to a car alarm outside his window for twenty minutes
"Ah, but is not the truly witty man he who has the least wit of all?"
-Author OSCAR WILDE, in one of his less nimble moments
"Well thank God we're back to a bipolar world!"
-Lazy historians and news analysts worldwide, reacting to September 11
"I don't watch TV, so it doesn't matter to me what happens in Iraq."
-Lazy voter BRAD CHAPIN
"Shucks, now I'll have to wait another week for her to be available again."
-LECHEROUS ADOLESCENTS everywhere, on Britney Spears's recent marriage

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