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Overheard

Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
"The real trick to winning a race is to do one good lap and loop the footage, instead of driving the whole race."
-NASCAR driver JEFF GORDON, explaining his string of recent victories
"All I can say is, Napster should be illegal. I put my heart and soul into a song like '... Baby One More Time,' and some little punk can just grab it and use it for her own gain!"
-Songwriter MAX MARTIN, on Britney Spears
"PORN!!"
-Every improv comedy audience ever asked to name a movie genre
"Playing a Nazi is really going to expand my repertoire. I felt for a while like I was getting typecast."
-Actor GOOFY, on his upcoming role as Heinrich Himmler in Remembering the Holocaust
"I don't watch TV, so it doesn't matter to me what happens in Iraq."
-Lazy voter BRAD CHAPIN
"This book is fantastic! It really helped me stop lying."
-DAVID FJORDSEN, as quoted on the back of 101 Ways to Cure Yourself of Pathological Lying
"Yeah, 'Killing Me Softly With His Song' was a big hit, but for some reason the follow-up hasn't been selling as well."
-Former Fugees' lead singer LAURYN HILL, on her new single, "Killing Me Hard With His Guitar
"What? It's a compromise, isn't it?"
-Politician KENT SWEENEY, defending his proposal to make abortion legal only in the case that the fetus is a convicted murderer
"We understand that the Olympics are not what they once were, and we would like to restore them to their former glory and high ratings."
-A representative from NBC, on the station's proposal to bring back the ancient Olympic tradition of having athletes compete naked
"I forgot what I was going to say."
-Senator STROM THURMOND, explaining his position on campaign finance reform
"So what if he negotiates peace in the Middle East? He's just trying to save his legacy."
-Senator PHIL GRAMM, on Bill Clinton
"Yes, it's a tough job, but after Saddam was caught, someone had to take over as the enemy of America."
-MARTHA STEWART

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