Note: the following quotes can be verified at this website.
|"Man, I hate the French... I mean, the 'freedom.' I hate the
-American GEORGE THOMPSON, working hard to internalize the new vocab
|"We've had some trouble with converting French francs; a lot of them just burst into flame rather than mingle with euros."
-European Central Bank President WILLEM F. DUISENBERG
|"What are we accomplishing through all this multiple-choice standardized testing? Simple: future citizens will be able to fill in a ballot correctly."
-Florida governor JEB BUSH
|"It's the only country whose human rights provisions are lax enough to permit those 'Personal Stories' NBC runs."
-International Olympic Committee president JACQUES ROGGE, explaining why China was chosen to host the Olympics
|"I feel terrible about this, but I have to follow my heart."
-TOUCAN SAM, resigning as Froot Loops spokesbird after tasting Golden Grahams
|"Well, I kind of understand. Mickey’s become less popular and recognized than Joe Camel, and I think he was just trying to reenter the 'in' crowd."
-MINNIE MOUSE, commenting on her husband’s having recently taken up smoking
|"He's ... medium height, with ... brown hair. Um, he wears sneakers. Short hair. You still don't know who I'm talking about? All right, let's see ... he has a blue backpack that he wears when he's going to class. A lot of times he stops first and goes to the drinking fountain. You know who he is yet?"
-High school sophomore ERIN MATTHEWS, trying to describe the only black student in her class
|"Shock and Awe... that's what we should have called it! Those
Americans are good."
-Al-Qaeda member SAHIR AL-OMAR, reflecting on the World Trade Center attacks
|"I don't think the media gives alternative candidates fair coverage."
-Natural Law Party candidate JOHN HAGELIN, summarizing all his qualifications and policy proposals
|"I figured out I was an Eskimo trapped in a black man's body."
-NIGAQ (né TYRONE) ANUNIAQ, on his recent race-change operation
|"I demand a recount!"
-A joke YOU could make anytime anyone counts anything. Please don't.
|"Our opponents are not easy to find; they are dispersed all over the world, using a vast decentralized network to help each other with their nefarious crimes. But we will eventually hunt them all down, and we will prevail."
-Recording Industry Association of America president HILARY B. ROSEN, on the file-sharing technology that has replaced Napster
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